Life of Emerlyn.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 6:13 PM
Yobusey-yo~Hmmm, Im very thankful to God for being optimistic all the time. It's like, when I wake up the next morning, I dont brood over the things that happened the day before unless it's something that happened for a long period of time.
Everyday seem to be wasting my time away, not working, staying at up late at home, watching korean dramas, going out, wasting money, having fun, etc. But through these enjoyments, I do have pain and sadness. & I learn from them. I learnt that Im repaid with love, happiness and joy. Even though the world falls apart, I still have a loving family, a big bunch of crazy and great friends and a beautiful and comfy home. I feel blessed.
But often at times too, I will think otherwise. I cannot control my anger towards you. Just looking at that state of you, Im beatened off my mode of happiness. I know I shouldn't, I KNOW. But I just cannot stand it. Im really tired, really really tired. I tried telling you about it, you tell me about the stress you're having. Is there even a link? Somehow I felt the pain and stress you're feeling, but I think I shouldn't, because that means giving in to you which isn't my point in the first place. I feel sorry that you have to handle those stress, those irritating noises of loud ringing calls, those pushing orders. I never wanted to get angry with you and to even not understand the condition you're in. But do you ever wonder the worry I have? or even your faithful lover whom gave you hell lots of callings which you find it a nuisance and you start yelling over the phone to not be disturbed. Yes, that's the word, DISTURB. Then, the alarming ticks of a clock, adding on to the anger of hers. You feel guilty, you feel sorry, I never blamed you. Do you know?
I just hope that you can change. I want you as someone with good health but you don't see it that way, and you say that Im too young, I don't understand. Fine, you know. Im young, but I went through ALOT. Alot more than others who think that they went through alot. I believe I grew from this experiences. I might seem immature, but I grew alot now. Im not trying to show anything like as if I went through alot and like it's as long as yrs. I know I can never compare it with you, but just for God, for us, will you try?! It's even worse after I talked to you. You don't know the hurt I feel. The oncoming words being said by her, to add on and make me feel useless. I know, Im young, I shouldn't be bothered by these. but Im growing, I always feel useless. Some might think Im strong, but I do feel inferior many a times. Inferior in many ways.
I just try to not feel inferior. Even simple words that meant as a joke, or rude noises that are being called after, means alot to me. Cos' those can not mean to me as a joke or something as a joke. I do brood over it ok? But I believe, I try to believe that they are just mere words that are harmless. I DOOOOO BELIEVE! & inferiority just creeps up into me, just to make me pessimistic. I hate it!
Thank God seriously, for the course and poly given to me. Im thankful but however, I want to appeal. & I know that when this word appeal came up to my head, it sure was something You wanted me to do. I believe in You. I know it's not something against Your wish. But solemnly and sincerely, Thank You! =)
I didn't get into any of my 12 choices. & I understand why now. So I don't wish to explain it. I got into Republic Polytechnic for the course Micro and Nanotechnology. So Im appealing. Thanks Cia for letting me not feel down just because of the posting they gave me. :) & thanks to everyone who were concerned sincerely about me. Thank you all! People like Jo, Daryl, Amanda and Evan. Even though it's mere msges sent, I believe you all were concerned! Thank you. =) & to those who didnt msg me but are concerned about me, THANKS! :D
Im enjoying life now. So take care everybody. Might be finding a job with Cia and Qian again. :) Congrats Qiann to get into the course you like! =) Take care everybody! Byeeeeeee~ Ciaoosssssss~ Peace. =D
& his my Everlasting Father.
Thank You.
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